im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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