Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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