Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
