the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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