i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
