As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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