I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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