I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
