Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
