he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
