on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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