How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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