How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
