Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
