Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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