i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
