Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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