Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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