I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize