There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
