i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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