Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
