whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
