Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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