is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
