I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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