How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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