Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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