This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
