Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize