he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
