We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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