Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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