Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
