Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
he's gonorrhea incarnate
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
