You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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