3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Pants are for mortals
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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