Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
