wakey wakey hands off snakey
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
