Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
