His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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