suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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