Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
