you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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