I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
