i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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