my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she pinky promised me she was 18
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
