Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
