i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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