Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
