RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
