I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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