I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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