the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
