Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
