he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
