no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
