I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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