Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
