i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
