please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
