Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
